Since as long as I can remember, I have had a deep connection with Spirit. I had what the ancient Hindu's called, "siddhis." The meaning of the word siddhis, taken from Sanskrit, translates to spiritual gifts. Being sensitive to light and sound frequencies, sensing the presence of entities, later developing into connecting with higher dimensions, was something that came pretty easily to me. This was not always seen by me as a "gift" however, as there were some experiences I would have rather not have had as a child. Growing up in a house with one devout religious parent and another who denied our connection to God and the universe, was confusing and difficult. My mom, at the time was still quite religious until years later when she found sanctuary in spirituality. My father was not someone I trusted or ever felt safe around for fear of being ridiculed and put down, which was common, as he was a narcissistic personality disordered parent. So at a very young age my curiosity for esotericism, mystics, and ancient belief systems was highly taboo in my family and I was reprimanded for it. I was the psychedelic sheep in the family, and felt so wrong for gravitating towards these themes. So, like many intuitive and highly sensitive people, I learned to hide who I was and repress my abilities. I continued to learn about these subjects, but in secret. I stopped living authentically from a very early age and felt some kind of wound deep inside. I was not accepted for my natural inclinations and gifts, and carried shame for a long time, as I did not feel I ever fit in. I tried to create the illusion of being “normal,” but I had no one to talk to about these divine given faculties within. Faculties that are given to all of us from a high power when we are born.
During my upbringing I had witnessed unexplainable events and visitations. Then, several years ago, I experienced my first astral projection while meditating. I connected profoundly with the universe and let go of the egoic, attached, and limited, physical human form. I underwent an ego death, along with the greatest euphoria and expansion, being enveloped in unconditional love and a brief state of omniscience. The connection I felt with the universe and the messages I received were overwhelming. MY MIND WAS BLOWN. This opened the door to light body activations and other experiences that left me awe-struck. I felt wonder and excitement about these higher dimensions of consciousness hidden from the human conditioned eye, beyond our five earthly physical senses. I was immensely grateful to have been re-acquainted with these energies and experiences. However, not all of my spiritual encounters were gentle and astonishing. Some were rough, and meant to shake me awake or break me open. The dark night of the soul, or what the Buddhists call “falling into the pit of the void”, was extraordinarily difficult, yet vital for my spiritual evolution. We all know that the most important relationship we will ever have, will be the one we have with ourselves, and up until a few years ago, the relationship I had with myself was far from healthy or loving. But feeling at my lowest is what really propelled me to seek real change. This “spiritual depression” filled with setbacks and suffering ultimately led me to discover my true values, shift my alignment, work on deep self-love, release my burdens, and step forward towards my mission on earth. After resuscitating from the dark night, I began to build new spiritual practices, shifting my perceptions using NLP techniques, which helped me feel more emotionally balanced and optimistic. There was a re-attunement to the Universal life force energy, my authentic self, and to God. I started to view myself and the world through the eyes of love and Christ consciousness. This restored the calling to learn about the beautiful mysteries of the universe, and to help others on a deeper level, assisting them on their journey of self, spirit, and life exploration.
In retrospect, all of these experiences have moved me closer to my purpose, my dharma, and my divine feminine, which was strongly repressed in me while growing up. I can look back on the gamut of emotions from painful and traumatic to euphoric and inspiring and give gratitude. There are so many lessons and beauty within the pain, and so much magic to be lived, as we experience this vast spectrum of human emotions and life encounters.
I look forward to writing more about various tools I learned during my ego death or void, but if you would like to learn more about what could help you through your journey or dark night, feel free to get in touch with me. Namaste.